Heads down, gents. It’s Wallace…
“What a fuss. What ballyhoo. What humbug.
All that hot air. All that printer’s ink.
Royal Wedding “celebrations” my eye.
I expected better from The Guv’nor, wittering on about Etonians and tails. I taught him everything he knows on THAT score, let me tell you.
And that dashed Man From The Hornet with his prattling about weddings and tuxedos.
And the BBC, The Times, The Telegraph – the whole lot of ‘em – are no better.
It’s just not on.
Am I the only one with any real style around here?
If one wants a job done properly, one jolly well has to attend to it oneself. So here we go…
Never mind tails and lounge suits; never mind tradition and superstition; never mind gossip and trivia. Say simply this:
CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR FUTURE KING AND HIS BRIDE – THREE CHEERS FOR THE HAPPY COUPLE.
There. To borrow from The Guv’nor: That is all.”